STORYTIME

Lawyers

fftsteven — Mon, 11 Aug 2008 17:58:36 +0000

Lawyer: “Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?”
Witness: “No.”
Lawyer: “Did you check for blood pressure?”
Witness: “No.”
Lawyer: “Did you check for breathing?”
Witness: “No.”
Lawyer: “So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?”
Witness: “No.”
Lawyer: “How can you be so sure, Doctor?”
Witness: “Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.”
Lawyer: “But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?”
Witness: “Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.”

Vote for Peter’s Shirt

fftsteven — Wed, 23 Jul 2008 03:59:55 +0000

I’m not much for advertising, but Peter has some good work. I’m also going into the T shirt business with him. So if you have ever bought anything on woot and have a woot account, vote for this homie’s shirt.

Vote Here

Benjamin Franklin Pt. 2

fftsteven — Mon, 14 Jul 2008 23:24:21 +0000

United Colors of Benetton

fftsteven — Tue, 01 Jul 2008 18:00:30 +0000

There was once a little boy named Steven. Steven went to Lorne Street elementary school and made many friends. These friends came in all shapes in sizes. Some were white, some where tall, some were black, some were small. Wherever Steven went, he became friends with many little boys and girls, regardless of their color. He played kickball, and line up handball, and tetherball, and yeah, he played with girls. They had cooties, but he still played with them. He was for diversity.

Then he met the only other Korean on the planet. His name was Eric. Eric was faster, cuter, and better at video games than he was. Steven had found his match.

Steven stood at home plate and kicked the ball. It went 10…20…30 feet and he got to first base with ease. Eric was up next and kicked the ball out of the field and brought them both home. As they met up at home plate, Steven called Eric a buttface.

Steven went home dejected as he ate his sandwich. When he got home, he would head for his room and get changed for the swimming pool. There, he would swim in peace.

When he arrived at the pool for his lesson, he was astonished to see none other than his foe. Eric looked at him. Steven looked back. Then, something magical happened. They inched closer and closer to each other, until both of them smiled. Then, Eric invited Steven to his birthday party.

It was the end of our childhood and the end of the United Colors of Benetton.

Epilogue

11 years later, Steven sits at his computer, tired from a day of work and realizes that all his friends are Korean.

Uncanny

fftsteven — Thu, 26 Jun 2008 05:42:01 +0000

Jean Yeo looks like Hwangbo.

Whachu know about that?

fftsteven — Tue, 24 Jun 2008 23:14:14 +0000

Remember the name, it’s Sixteen Ounces

We’ll always give ya’ll something to bounce with.

If you feel this baby, just pound it

If you feel this baby, then just pound it

Yo, like Nas, feel like God’s son

If you step to us, then I hope you brought yourself a gun.

We hold it like Jesus’ disciples

Stand tall and strong just like the Eiffel

Straight ballin, ballin like Michael

Rap is dead, that’s the word on the street

But they haven’t heard of Jung, Steven, and me,

We’re the only one’s left with the heartbeat.

We’re always first, don’t ever step on our turf,

Or you’ll get something worse than the Black Pearl’s Curse.

Than the Black Pearl’s Curse.

from “keep it” – sixteen ounces

Brian doesn’t give a F***

fftsteven — Sat, 14 Jun 2008 06:52:42 +0000

He’s the one on the right

My friend Brian is adorable. Hes bigger than me, he can beat me up, and he drives a gangster car, but he’s still adorable.

He also doesn’t care.

I’m not saying he is heartless. I’m just saying he doesn’t care what people think, he doesn’t care to spend time on things that aren’t all that important, and he only needs a few things in life: Molly and me (I wish).

“How do you know this?” you may ask. I have done some empirical research, and quite frankly, Brian doesn’t give a F***. (I don’t want to write it. I’m scared.)

1. His facebook profile picture has not been updated in a year. Why not? Because its fine the way it is (It’s a picture of him and Molly.)

2. He has not changed his Voice Mail Box Message. Ever. This means something. Usually when I call someone, I have the patience to listen and leave a message stating my name, phone number, and a brief message. But with Brian’s I cannot. It is too long. After saying “You have reached the Voice Message Box of…” instead of hearing a robotic-sounding name “Brian Kim,” I hear a list of ten digits. Very outdated and very inefficient, but once again, Brian doesn’t care to change it.

3. Brian likes sweats and footlocker 5 for $20 shirts. Enough said.

4. Brian does not wash his car. Why wash it? Just wait for the rain. Or the mist…in Santa Barbara.

I wish I could find a fifth statement so it evens out nicely to a list of five, but I could not. I’m also kinda jittery for a certain reason.

Anyway, I hope see you soon Brian. And, Molly too I guess.

Two Jokes

fftsteven — Tue, 10 Jun 2008 05:19:19 +0000

What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine-shaft?

A flat miner.

What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A flat major.

Hedberg Reincarnated

fftsteven — Tue, 03 Jun 2008 07:17:50 +0000

Lately, I’ve been using this program called stumbleupon, which is pretty much like an internet remote control. With the press of a button, it allows you to skim through random videos, images, and websites that people have “stumbled” or found interesting. It is a great time killer, and if you’ve talked to me lately, you’ve probably been bombarded with link after link after link. Sorry.

My recent discovery which made my blog cut is a comedian named Demetri Martin. He’s pretty funny (and I think the girls think he’s cute.)

I couldn’t embed the video I wanted to post, so here’s the link:

Demetri Martin 20 Min Special

Gotta sleep now. Got work tomorrow.

-Steven

Crazy People

fftsteven — Wed, 21 May 2008 20:56:09 +0000

If you’re wondering what this blog about, it’s about a few crazy people.

Two people today. First guy is the famous JYP, Korean Producer, singer, and businessman extraordinare (I hope I spelled that right.) A newspaper interviewed him:

CDs are dead, and Korean impresario Jin-Young Park knows it. American music labels could learn a thing or two from the model he’s built in South Korea.

When prospective U.S. partners ask music mogul Jin-Young Park where he’s from, he has a conversation-stopping answer: “I’m from the future.”

Damn. I’m using that line.

The second guy is the lead singer from an old Korean group called “The Cross.” If I wasn’t insane, I would say that they are better than Vibe. But yeah. I’m insane. Watch it. Even if you don’t understand Korean. He’s full of surprises.

Agh. My heart is wrenching from the emotion in his voice.