United Colors of Benetton

There was once a little boy named Steven. Steven went to Lorne Street elementary school and made many friends. These friends came in all shapes in sizes. Some were white, some where tall, some were black, some were small. Wherever Steven went, he became friends with many little boys and girls, regardless of their color. He played kickball, and line up handball, and tetherball, and yeah, he played with girls. They had cooties, but he still played with them. He was for diversity.

Then he met the only other Korean on the planet. His name was Eric. Eric was faster, cuter, and better at video games than he was. Steven had found his match.

Steven stood at home plate and kicked the ball. It went 10…20…30 feet and he got to first base with ease. Eric was up next and kicked the ball out of the field and brought them both home. As they met up at home plate, Steven called Eric a buttface.

Steven went home dejected as he ate his sandwich. When he got home, he would head for his room and get changed for the swimming pool. There, he would swim in peace.

When he arrived at the pool for his lesson, he was astonished to see none other than his foe. Eric looked at him. Steven looked back. Then, something magical happened. They inched closer and closer to each other, until both of them smiled. Then, Eric invited Steven to his birthday party.

It was the end of our childhood and the end of the United Colors of Benetton.

Epilogue

11 years later, Steven sits at his computer, tired from a day of work and realizes that all his friends are Korean.

Uncanny

Jean Yeo looks like Hwangbo.

Brian doesn’t give a F***

He’s the one on the right

My friend Brian is adorable. Hes bigger than me, he can beat me up, and he drives a gangster car, but he’s still adorable.

He also doesn’t care.

I’m not saying he is heartless. I’m just saying he doesn’t care what people think, he doesn’t care to spend time on things that aren’t all that important, and he only needs a few things in life: Molly and me (I wish).

“How do you know this?” you may ask. I have done some empirical research, and quite frankly, Brian doesn’t give a F***. (I don’t want to write it. I’m scared.)

1. His facebook profile picture has not been updated in a year. Why not? Because its fine the way it is (It’s a picture of him and Molly.)

2. He has not changed his Voice Mail Box Message. Ever. This means something. Usually when I call someone, I have the patience to listen and leave a message stating my name, phone number, and a brief message. But with Brian’s I cannot. It is too long. After saying “You have reached the Voice Message Box of…” instead of hearing a robotic-sounding name “Brian Kim,” I hear a list of ten digits. Very outdated and very inefficient, but once again, Brian doesn’t care to change it.

3. Brian likes sweats and footlocker 5 for $20 shirts. Enough said.

4. Brian does not wash his car. Why wash it? Just wait for the rain. Or the mist…in Santa Barbara.

I wish I could find a fifth statement so it evens out nicely to a list of five, but I could not. I’m also kinda jittery for a certain reason.

Anyway, I hope see you soon Brian. And, Molly too I guess.

The Dehon Hall of Fame

In life, there are always those people who bring something unique to the table; those people who find a creative way of behaving in a public setting and make girls giggle, men laugh, and parents smile. That person is Daniel.

How do I know this? As strange as it may sound, I have kept track of a few of Han So Myung’s shining moments:

July 21, 2007

Daniel and I had a conversation that went a little something like this:

Dehon: Amazon women are robust. You know why?

Me: Because they cut off one of their breasts.

Dehon: No my friend. You are wrong. They cut off both.

Me: They don’t need to. They just need to cut off one because the arrow gets in the way.

Dehon: Not unless they are ambidextrous, my friend.

Who says that??!

September 4, 2007

On this day, I wanted to play video games with Daniel. We have wonderful nights chock full of fun on the computer, on the wii, and other pleasure-conducive devices. But this night, Daniel had a Link meeting he had to attend. Upset that I would not have someone to play with, I gave Dehon some lip to which he responded:

“The moment I stay quiet about the thing that matter, I will die Steven.”

Are you kidding me??!

November 3, 2007

Now, if you know me, I am a fan of self deprecating humor. I will tell everyone that it is the highest form of humor to which 90% of the time I get either a scoff or an equally pretentious comment like, “Sarcasm is the lowest form of humor.” (miknnaoj)

So when Dehon, who has a knack for keeping his chest up and his arms flexed, cracked a joke at his own expense, I was amazed and pleasantly surprised:

“The tallest thing standing in my way is how tall I’m standing.”

Get it? He’s short.

Finally, Dehon climbs trees.

Today is Daniel’s Birthday.

Happy Birthday D.