Lawyers

• Lawyer: “Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?”
• Witness: “No.”
• Lawyer: “Did you check for blood pressure?”
• Witness: “No.”
• Lawyer: “Did you check for breathing?”
• Witness: “No.”
• Lawyer: “So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?”
• Witness: “No.”
• Lawyer: “How can you be so sure, Doctor?”
• Witness: “Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.”
• Lawyer: “But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?”
• Witness: “Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.”

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Benjamin Franklin Pt. 2

United Colors of Benetton

There was once a little boy named Steven. Steven went to Lorne Street elementary school and made many friends. These friends came in all shapes in sizes. Some were white, some where tall, some were black, some were small. Wherever Steven went, he became friends with many little boys and girls, regardless of their color. He played kickball, and line up handball, and tetherball, and yeah, he played with girls. They had cooties, but he still played with them. He was for diversity.

Then he met the only other Korean on the planet. His name was Eric. Eric was faster, cuter, and better at video games than he was. Steven had found his match.

Steven stood at home plate and kicked the ball. It went 10…20…30 feet and he got to first base with ease. Eric was up next and kicked the ball out of the field and brought them both home. As they met up at home plate, Steven called Eric a buttface.

Steven went home dejected as he ate his sandwich. When he got home, he would head for his room and get changed for the swimming pool. There, he would swim in peace.

When he arrived at the pool for his lesson, he was astonished to see none other than his foe. Eric looked at him. Steven looked back. Then, something magical happened. They inched closer and closer to each other, until both of them smiled. Then, Eric invited Steven to his birthday party.

It was the end of our childhood and the end of the United Colors of Benetton.

Epilogue

11 years later, Steven sits at his computer, tired from a day of work and realizes that all his friends are Korean.